This newsletter is dedicated to all the ways that can help you get the most out of your relationships and daily life. In it are some serious ideas, some spiritual ideas, some odd ideas, some funny ideas, and super-practical ideas. But, throughout it all, basically, the theme is this:
Calm the f**k down.
This was a recurring theme in my Interpersonal classes; in fact, I said it so often that many of my beloved students repeated it back to me routinely over the years. One of them actually made a PAINTING of it for me as an end-of-term gift! I’ll share that on my Instagram soon.
And, believe it or not, the easiest and quickest way to calm the f**k down and keep peace in your daily life is this:
Don't engage in road-rage.
What, you say? WTF has that got to do with, well, anything? Hear me out. First, road rage* affects your entire day and, if you do it routinely, your entire life. When you get angry and react from anger, it takes anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to get your heart rate and brain back to normal! Not to mention that road raging is a good way to, you know, get murdered by the other driver.
Are you a road-rager?
When I ask my students whether they themselves are controlling-type people, often the answer is, no, not me, nu-uh. Then I write on the board, ROAD RAGE. And the blushing, looking down, and smirking begins. Every time.
If you still don’t know if you’re one of, um, them, take this handy quiz. (Yours truly scored a 3.) If you scored high, or even medium, it’s time to cut it out. STOP it. Now. Today.
Sounds like a great idea, right? Be calm, stay calm, arrive calm. But, how do we pull that off, especially when faced with other drivers who are making us bonkers and causing us to be late? The answer is as elegant and simple as it is odd and quirky. And it WORKS. Here it is:
When someone does or says something you don't like in traffic, express love for them.
Yep, you heard me right. It is not enough to think it. You gotta say it. Even to the ones pissing you off?! you ask. Especially those. It is such an absurd thing to do that you will make yourself laugh and it instantly serves to stop you from going into that rage-y place.
Also note that I said to express love FOR them, not TO them. Literally. Don’t look at them, and, under your breath, quietly so that NO ONE ELSE IN THE CAR CAN HEAR YOU, say the words, "I love you."
This method actually applies to any other kind of moment where you feel like people are driving you crazy. I lost count of the number of students who wrote papers and did presentations on how much this seemingly tiny change in their behavior made their entire days and lives better.
This is a light-hearted take, sure. There are myriad ideas for dealing with your own anger issues. Then there is a spiritual solution, including praying for your “enemies.” Sending them prayers and good energy and peace also works. Yes, that includes the jackwagon who rolled coal on you while you stood next to your car, unable to start it. Even him. #truestory
We all have our little zones of control in this world. It goes about an inch in front of us, and that's it. People who think their zone of control extends to the car in front of them or the car next to them or people in traffic or the person in the seat next to them, that's where unhappiness comes from. Anger is that internal stressor expressed outward.
The degree of your acceptance of the size of the (tiny) zone of control that you have in this world is directly proportionate to the amount of peace that you have. The peace you have given yourself.
The next time you’re running late and you’re stuck behind the car going slow in the left lane, think of it this way: you could be a screaming, psychopathic aggressive driver, upsetting yourself and the people in the car with you and the cars around you, and arrive late, or you could stay calm, drive like a non-crazy person, and…still be late.
Either way, you’re gonna be late, so you may as well not ruin your day or the days of the people around you. 🤷♀️
I’ll leave you with this.
Flipping the bird, honking, screaming, following them, all of that ugly stuff, ain’t causing anyone to go away. Nope. Those behaviors are an invitation. So, you could ignore the other driver and go about your day. Or you could decide to have a (combative, adversarial, and perhaps violent) relationship with them.
Choose carefully.
*All of this applies to backseat Uber raging and sidewalk-raging as well. Just cause you don’t drive doesn’t mean you don’t rage. So knock it off. Have a peaceful, calm, joyful, and road-rage-free week, y’all!
