I just couldn't do it today.
Sometimes sadness arrives unexpectedly and decides to stay a while.
Welcome to Interpersonal, y’all.
So. Here’s the thing. I have about 2 dozen half-written posts for this newsletter that I have been working on over the past few months. This email was supposed to be one of those: an in-depth and detailed post all about codependency and how to recognize it and overcome it, but I just couldn’t do it today.
Instead this is more personal than that. Because today I am feeling sad. And a little bit lost. Things just feel very unsettled and upside down and all around uncertain these days. And I don’t think I am alone in this.
Maybe it’s something in the air or maybe it’s the weather or maybe Mercury is in retrograde (whatever that means 🤷♀️). But not knowing its source doesn’t diminish its effect.
So rather than try to force myself to write a post that feels less than authentic, I decided instead, if y’all judge me for feeling what I feel, then I guess y’all will judge me. (Please don’t.)
That “it’s okay to not be okay” mantra that’s been around for a couple of years now might be cliche-sounding, but it’s still completely true. And I’m here to tell you that I need that reminder for myself right now. For whatever reason, all of my ingrained and learned optimism-
things happen for you not to you.
on the other side of this, it will be okay.
-isn’t doing it for me today. Those truisms tend to help and help often, but not so much right now.
We all have our good days and our bad days and it is my hope that by writing this on my bad day it will help some of y’all who are feeling something similar to understand that you are not alone. Because sadness with no discernible root that you can point to doesn’t make that sadness any less real.
Well…what am I going to do about all this, if anything? Tomorrow I might feel like reading some Byron Katie and applying her “Work” to my emotional state.
But that’s for tomorrow.
For today, I’m going to allow myself to feel what I feel, without judgment. And if I do judge it, I will try not to judge myself for judging it.
This means I am going to cry if I need to, without apology. I will try not to do that in public, but if I do, so the hell what?!
I’m also going to look around for something that brings me a bit of joy, even a little bit of joy, and by that I mean the TINIEST piece of joy. Right now, this joy is taking the form of an unexpected treat at a local market: little wafer cookies! I wasn’t looking for them but there they were, waving at me by the register, saying, “Yo! Over here! A tiny bit of joy for you!”
I am also going to keep this lovely Anna Quindlen quote at the forefront of my mind, with its gentle reminder that even in the depths of depression or grief or sadness with no source, tiny bits of joy can still be found:
“Look around at the azaleas making fuchsia star bursts in spring; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is glorious, and that you have no business taking it for granted.”
-Anna Quindlen
I shall do my best to try to honor my feelings and appreciate them for what they are: totally real, authentic, honest, neither good nor bad, and at the same time nothing to be taken for granted.
Then I’m going to sit with this Carl Jung quote (technically about depression but I’m replacing that word with “sadness” instead):
“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”
―Carl Jung
Next week I hope to be back into the groove of Interpersonal, complete with newsletter and Instagram and Pinterest posts🤞🏻. Until then, let’s all give each other and ourselves a little bit of grace and understanding for feeling what we feel, shall we?
Sending virtual hugs,
Rebecca
Hugs back at ya! 💕